Entry #2006.X.2024
I
I was talking with L.M. Koldunov one of the hierarchs of the university i used to study at. I don't remember much detail on how it started, except the fact that i remembered his patronimic incorrectly as Vladimirovich and he corrected me (but also not with his IRL patronimic). I think my mother was also there. The room was looking very ancient, with dark wood everywhere.
We were discussing the question of why does everyone hate me, why do i keep getting in problems, etc. and Koldunov was talking a lot about nothing and only when it already was time for us to leave he decided to disclose the reasons to all this he was thinking of. And these were: first, that i'm queer, and second, that i am "constantly seeking praise, reward or other positive reaction to everything i do that can theoretically get it" which by dream logic i thought was a Very Important Idea i should remember at all costs because it supposedly explains so much of unexplained problems of my past. I proceeded to reiterate this thought in my head for the rest of my next dreams, thinking about it as something i dreamt about the night before.
Koldunov then proceeded to show me photos of me in various classrooms - i think from back in my school - in which i creepily stared at either the camera or one of the classmates. I remember one of these photos very crearly, it was my school's math classroom, i was sitting in the back row of the rightmost column of seats (i never sat there! this was my school crush's place) and stared at my best friend from school who sat in front and to the side from me. There was a Christmas tree right behind me, which indeed used to be displayed in that classroom in this place.
There were other photos but the only thing i remember from them is that it gave me dysphoria to look at the version of myself so far removed from how i am now, and on one of them i had a long deformed chin for some reason.
II
I was walking to a swimming pool. It was winter with snow everywhere, and I was wrapped in only a wet white towel + slippers for an inexplicable reason, and yet i didn't feel cold.
For some reason, Dmitri Medvedev the fucking ex-prime minister of Russia was walking beside me and trying to chat with me, ranting about some European trans woman actress getting some award, so your regular transphobia, and the only thing on my mind was how inconvenient this whole situation is esp. if he finds out i'm trans + how inconvenient is to be in only a towel.
Eventually we got to inside of the swimming pool's building where at the entrance there was a small reception room cramped with various people. Medvedev's wife and son were in here. His wife had long, very blonde, obviously painted hair and wore a fur coat. The son was quite yound, i'd give him 10-12 years; he wore a wintery cadette uniform: a black coat with red and golden militaristic adornments, a hat with a plume, and also black feather earrings for some reason. He had a very round face and i think had painted eyes (?). I was like "oh, so that's why you were pursuing me, your family's here" in a very nervous voice.
There was a lady at the reception in a blue uniform with glasses, who was calling for names to proceed to te inside of the building. She called for Medvedev's son first who i now acknowledged was named Seva and then called for me, by my deadname. I corrected her, she didn't care and also ordered me to get to a men's changing room. I was like "hey, i'm not doing that for years and nobody ever complained" and she was like "not my problem, we have rules here" and i was like "you know what, i'm leaving this place" and that was the end of this scene.
III
I was sitting on a bench near my parent's house, but not the entrance where they live, but a neighbouring one. There was a man next to me, about 50 to 60 years, quite short and with sparse gray hair, but not looking too old overall; and we were discussing a newspaper he was reading. He said once that he's grateful that i'm not correcting his old habits too much as others do, so i tried not to do that going forward. Though i remember him as kindhearted, i was still cautious around him.
The newspaper was from Nizhny Novgorod, which he referred to by its Soviet name Gorky; i said to him that hey, i was to that city, my good friend lives there - thinking about how i can't say he was my boyfriend, who knows, i might receive judgement for that or other unprompted questions.
The man was criticizing the contents of the "newspaper" for being overly detailed, which is when i started paying attention and noticed it wasn't a newspaper at all, but rather some sort of an information compendum on (political?) geography, with maps (I remember a map of Moscow in there) and tables, inctuding a table of post indices and country + city telephone codes on just about every city in the world sorted by countries sorted alphabetically (I remember Afghanistan in there with like 20+ cities). These tables were in pleasant white and pink colors, sort of resembling in style the ones in D&D handboks.
I told him my "not a newspaper" concern and he said that he indeed got it from a newspaper and provided a name of it, which contained the word "homosexualism" in some form (don't remember which, but i do remember it was an -ism not an -ity) - so i concluded it was like a gay newspaper of the old days - and offhandedly mentioned the full paper being 150+ pages, and this only being the middle section. I asked him nervously if he has the rest (because i was worried he'll guess my queerness from this question), and he did, and promised to give a printed copy to me later.
IV
I was an explorer in some sort of a multilayered basement in a russian city. The legend stated the basement was remainders of an alien ship, but actually they were just people who came to live here after some sort of an apocalypse (i don't know if there was really an apocalypse or they all imagined it).
I did two trips to this place. I don't remember details of the first one except that i descended very far down, 10+ layers, while the legend stated there being only nine; but after i returned and spread the word about what is really happening down there, the authorities found a way to weave it into their lie by saynig the floors 10+ are their own thing, can only be accessed through a separate entrance i walked out of on my first journey (while i got in from the other entrance) and were a remainder of an ancient human civilization. They also named them with latin letters (floor A, B etc. or maybe A1, A2 etc. i'm not really sure) to further separate them. In reality, the entire basement was one whole interconnected society and ecosystem.
I think the dream heavily implied that i was able to go that far by virtue of just being friendly with everyone, while others treated local settles as monsters.
So, i went on a second journey. The entrance was a crumbling brick/concrete (?) shell of a building that never finished being constructed, one-story, with a low ceiling, no interior work done, and stone shards and debris on the floor. The legend together with this recent addition was written on the wall on an official-looking sign. There also was a graffiti of Spiderman on the left entrance (the one stated to lead to deep floors). The two entrances were in clode proximity, in this same roon, and were both just concrete stairs leading down.
The next scene i remember was being in a cozy room drinking tea with some old lady. The room had warm lighting and a Soviet-style carpet on the floor, ther was a lot of yellow. The lady had unnatural yellow-colored skin and mushrooms growing out of her, so like a witch/hag of some sort, but was a really kind lady really. I remember her worrying i look "sunburnt" which is when i said i am really from the surface and then explained that surface humans haven't perished in an apocalypse and this is a big problem cause there's a whole dictatorship out there spreading lies about basement people.
V
There was an animated movie coming out based on a written novel of some indie queer author, which i was a fan of the story and was very hyped about the movie. But everyone else didn't care, and those who knew clowned on the movie for being a disaster long before it released. I was trying to hype up the movie positively on my own, i think i talked about it to people in previous dreams, mentioning it as if it was the movie everyone waits for.
I was going to visit the premiere and even before seeing the actual movie (which wasn't in the dream unfortunately) i got to know that even the actual movie producers and distributors didn't care. The props for the movie consisted of two cardbord cutouts with main characters of the movie printed on them - two girls, i think they had semi-dark skin and dark/brown hair and one of them wore ski glasses and had a really wide fluffy curly haircut.
I then saw the main producer of the movie (?) who was your generic old white guy, tall, slim, with sparse gray hair and a long face, kind of resembling count Dooku. I then unexplicably knew that even he didn't care about the underlying story and adapted it quite badly, and i was very upset.